Hood On Tour

Time to put my slowly falling score to the test.

Last summer, the Coach and I won a set of passes to Rebel Creek in Kitchener which also happens to be close to my sister and her husband. We had scheduled this weekend back in February/March and hoped to god that we wouldn't have to wear long-john's and toques, but luckily we had perfect weather.

I would like to point out that this was the first round of the season for my sister and I was pretty much out to "wow" her with my mad skills.

Taking notes from my last discovery, we grabbed a couple buckets of balls and headed to the driving range. This Saturday also happened to be the "Stag Tournament" which meant there was a surplus of testosterone laying about the course. That and pollen, but we'll touch on that later.

As my sister and I rolled up to the driving range you could hear the audible suck of air as a crowd of 30-something men heaved up their beer bellies still lingering from University. Oh yes, we are impressed. Clearly your swing and ability to hit a tiny ball with a stick informs me of your ability to perform as an alpha male... Men.

Coach and my sister's husband return with buckets and find us a spot between territorial teens and a lone man who suddenly grabs his driver as soon as we get settled. I take a few swings and my sister is impressed with my improvement from the previous summer. My sis winds up and drills one out into the great, green beyond. You can pretty much hear alpha male's penis recoil in shame.

"How's the crossfit working out for ya?"

The alpha beside us is now as red as his Tiger Woods Sunday best, and is madly pounding balls trying to catch my sis' mad drives.

Soon practice time is up and it's off to see how well my three games of golf will serve me on an unfamiliar course, with some pretty wicked looking hills and sand holes ("traps" is too small of a word).

The Stag Tourny was running behind and our team time was bumped back by about 15 minutes while we and about six other twosomes of alphas waiting behind us. Great. An audience. And my first hole is traditionally messier than a 16 year old on prom night.

Seriously, get me to run around in my underwear on stage, singing "touch-a-touch-a, touch me" in front of 200 people? No problem. Swing a freaking golf club in front of six people? Imagine the worst possible outcome and that's what I did. Everyone else got a golf clap, I got snickers... Not the candy bar.

The weather was perfect and once I got myself settled into the game I ended up playing a great game. Yes, there were more than a few "whack-F**K" moments and a bottom lip that seemed to hang in shame. The pout lip, but I shot a 66/56. Best round yet! My sister was something like a 49/48... First round of the year? Look out Adam Scott, my sis is going to show you how to play.

The only major issue this round were the loving "embraces" made by my seasonal allergies. Sweet mother, I need an entire kleenex box on the course. If I'm not swinging, I'm sneezing. Gross. How does one face have that much to expel? I guess I will also be working to lessen the sneezes along with the swings...